Toddler?

Me- Hey, When does LB will become a toddler?
Ash- She has been a toddler for some time.
Me- Hmmm. Doesn't she have to poop in a toilet to be a toddler?
Ash- What? A toddler is an age range. Starting at one. What did you think?
Me- I thought it was achievement based. A tiered model of some sort.
Ash- What accomplishments did you have in mind?
Me- Heck there should be categories. Motor skills, vocabulary, hygiene, and feeding habits. I am amazed that there isn't an app for this already. Think of a reward system for kids to build their skill and fuel their ambition.
Me- I mean a little motivation never hurt. I always loved treasure hunts. Well maybe that was because of Goonies. The Truffle shuffle and Baby Ruth-Gets me every time. But really. The reward at the end makes you try harder.
Ash- I think lb is already overachieving. And she spirited. You should be happy.
Me- Happy yes. But imagine the possibilities if lb knew there was a water sprinkler or teddy bear at the end of every complete sentence.
Ash- Or successful tooth brushing.
Me- (Thinking...)
Me- (Running into the playroom and bringing back the mini piano). Playing -Dee dee doo doo de. . Bomp. De doo de doo de Deedley de do.
Ash- What is that?
Me- Doogie howser theme song. Doogie howser. That six year old aced his SATs. We've got work to do.

Hours later…
Ash- LB is eating a crayon.
Me- Do you know how the Egyptians built the pyramids. Brick by Brick babe. Brick by brick.

Minefield

Sometimes you are too tired. Sometimes you forget. Sometimes you say you are going to clean up but you never do. Sometimes you restore it back to original condition only to see it look like Middle East warzones moments later. Sometimes you feel bold enough to teach the art of cleaning up. Lately, it feels better to shrug your shoulders and say “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” Poor Ashley. You just can’t teach cleanliness to an 18 month old who pees on the floor and laughs.

Uh oh.

You are cruising the aisles of Costco. Wondering about that first turn into the wine section. You want to conserve your energy (budget) even though it is easy to lose yourself in the Costco vineyards- and even easier to get into tied up in the immortal battle of reds versus whites. On this particular day we had LB guiding the chariot. And like any feisty jockey she was fired up. She has seen what can come from this store. In the past, it has delivered cases of milk, bags of her favorite fruit and a teddy bear bigger than mom. These purchases are handled in fluid motions, almost as if every item was part of a shopping list. Any break in the motion could cause a systematic breakdown in the shopping experience and a 300% increase to the purchase total.

Well this past Sunday, San Antonio brought out some first time Costco shoppers. Several people unfamiliar with the track and even more foreign to the cadence. So you can guess what happened next. The lead chariot veered off track coming out of the wine section. And our little LB persisted on her current path which caused our chariot to clip the lead horse's hoof. And that horse was not happy. Despite the several apologies and ouches, it took a perfectly timed "uh oh" from Lb to break the tension. To which I replied- uh oh is right. Unfortunately, no one else found this to be amusing. We barreled through the rest of the store in record time. Hoping and praying not to cross paths with the personality plus horse. I didn't even stop for my 1.50 hot dog and soda. Which is the cornerstone of any good weekend. I will never forget this day, the first occasion that my own kid had to get me out of trouble. This truly is the start of something wonderful.

Picture above was taken right before an uh oh moment.

Hangry

It’s funny. Every time I leave a Pediatricians office, I learn something new. Not just the essentials (80 percentile height, 50 weight, future baseball star), but the answers to your deepest darkest questions. Questions like- “Our baby won’t eat carrots, but she likes blueberry pancakes…Does that stack well on the food pyramid?” And “We continue to hit our daughter in the head with the refrigerator door- Is that an acceptable exercise?” Perhaps my favorite- “Can rap music be damaging to her speech development?” You just never know what the doc is going to say…you wait for it…It starts with the slow turn of his body, the straightening of his bifocals, then the serious look-“well it depends on the rapper- east coast or west coast?”. Nice Doc. Very Nice.

“No seriously Doc- we need you to shoot us straight. Is it alright to have a hangry baby sometimes?” “Hangry?” He says…“Can’t say I’ve read about that one in the medical books.” “Well Dr. B -it’s when your baby gets so hungry, she’s angry---Hangry.

Sometimes imagery does a better job of telling the story.

Sunday's with Dad

LB- Wahhhhhhhhh! Waa Waaa Waaaaah! (Translation - Where is Mom?)
Dave- Are you hungry? Here, have some bacon.
LB- Ahhh ummmmm! (Translation - What an exciting new flavor, you aren't so bad)
Dave- Are you thirsty? Milk or Corona?
LB- Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah! (Translation - I make noise and I get treated to new things: sucker!)
Dave- Are you bored? Let’s watch the Wonder Pets. There’s Winnie, Tuck and Ming Ming too! We are the Wonder Pet’s and we’ll help you. What’s gonna work- Teamwork! What’s gonna work – Teamwork!
LB (after 15 minutes of silence)- Eh! (Translation- this is too easy)
Dave- Do you want to watch football? How about the Eagles?
Dave (15 minutes into the game)- Wah Wah Wah Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (Translation- When does baseball start?)

Ding Dong- You're Wrong!

The most underrated Christmas Special of all time. Can’t you see the gang parading through the streets? And Bob with his masterful sign language singing a song with his hands…

I believe in miracles and I can tell you why
Once a year the street I live on sparkles like the sky
All hung with lights for Christmas
Twinkling everywhere
The world turns bright for Christmas
And if that isn't a true blue miracle
I don't know what one is

Bert and his uni-brow. Snuffy squishing into those oil barrels pretending he is Santa. The rubber ducky. The paper clip collection. And Mr. Hooper coming through in the end. Man that Mr. Hooper was a class act. Whatever happened to the neighborhood general store? I don’t see Walmart on Sesame Street.

The music, the characters, the story… timeless. And completely relevant over 30 years later.

Dear Santa

My name is Leighton Belle and I heard you love milk. Me too.
Someone also told me you know when I have been naughty or nice.
Just in case you haven’t been watching, I would like to share some of my stories.
I can walk. And if you were standing here, I would walk right into your arms.
I can talk. When I can’t find the words, I will laugh at you. Because your beard is funny. And you look like my someone in my family.
I can sing. American Idol…if only there wasn’t a minimum age.
I guess I should tell you that me and the vegetables are not friends. They are always on my plate even though I yell at them. Please do not hold that against me.