The belly rules the mind

This quote comes from Spanish proverb. I wonder if the Spaniards had an Ashley in the picture when they recorded this on their piece of papyrus. I was thinking about carving my own proverb into the local sidewalk. Perhaps something like “An empty belly on a pregnant girl is doom” or maybe “ye be warned when dinner is not ready by 7”. Ok, so the last one sounded like a quote from Goonies, but the warning is real unlike the treasure of one-eyed Willy.

To complete this vision, I want to tell you a tale of hunger. It starts with a cheerful husband and pregnant wife. The time of this short story- 7:04pm. Setting- our home. The dialogue- in not so many words:

Wife- I am hungry
Husband- Let me start cooking
Wife- OK, as long as you don’t talk, watch TV, or breathe before you start. I want to enjoy a nice meal at the dinner table. Now would be a great time.
Husband- Lets grill some hamburgers
Wife- Lets stop talking and start eating
Husband- (15 minutes later)- Burgers didn’t work out (accidently burnt), lets try some grilled chicken sandwiches
Wife- Are they instant chicken sandwiches?
Husband- No, they require preparation.
Wife- A female Praying Mantis will bite the head off of her mate after sex. Imagine what happens when she is hungry.
Husband- Pass the spatula.

Going Out

What used to be a cornerstone of the Golia Household is now an area of contention. I don’t think it is the act of getting into the automobile that causes the controversy. Nor do I attribute the problems to our choice of company. I think it starts with the beverage selection. Take last night for example. Great party, good friends, and a cooler full of suds. The first exchanges of the evening sounded something like this-

Ashley- Honey, will you grab me a drink?
Dave- (Looking down at cooler filled of Miller, Coors, et al)- You have a couple choices sweetie- Vitamin D enriched Pineapple Juice, Organic Vegetable Juice or a passion fruit smoothie.
Ashley- Wow, this party is so pregnancy friendly.
Dave- (holding a smile) - Yeah, but I would recommend a Poland Spring, on the rocks.
Ashley- You are terrible.

Well, we eventually got past the limited beverage selection (landed on a Sprite/Cranberry mix) and then we entered what I call the “are you ready” time zone. Typically this comes around 1 to 2am or when the fridge empties (whatever comes first). Lately, this time has left late night TV and is now competing with Wheel of Fortune. To better illustrate this time, I captured an exchange occurring last night-

Ashley – (not saying anything, executes a perfect “are you ready” look at 8:45pm)
Dave- (acknowledging the look, glances at watch and executes a “it is still Miller time” smile)
Ashley- (looks at the Dave’s bottle, glances at bottom and looks back up to Dave)
Dave- (realizes that he is enjoying his final beer of the night, quickly grabs a bottle of whisky, pours shots and toasts to the birthday boy)
Ashley- (realizing that her look needs to be changed to include all beverages)- Happy Birthday, we are leaving.

Thank you

To our friends and family, your generosity was very much appreciated. LB is lucky to have you all in her life. And thank you for taking care of our dear Ashweeee in Atlanta!

Because of your thoughtfulness-
LB has a full closet of clothes that rivals her Mom's collection.
Gladys will watch over LB’s every move.
Toys, Toys, Toys!
Books, Books, Books! - Everything from “the giving tree” to “where’s the poop?”

And to our parents…A very special thanks for the love you have shared.
P.S. I couldn't help but notice the Atlanta Braves outfit. Evidently someone has a sense of humor.

Now on the platform...

We have LB. She will be attempting a forward 2 1/2 in the pike position. Degree of difficulty, 2.1.
And based on the pictures above, the judges have made the following assessment:

Approach (not shown) - LB stood in the starting position on the front end of the board. Body was straight, head was erect (particularly amazing given the lack of muscle tone), and heels together just like Dorthy as she prayed "there is no place like home".

Take-off (also not shown) - The hurdle to the end of the board, flawless. Both baby feet hit the end of the board simultaneously; the take-off showed no fear.

Execution - In the passage through the air, LB exhibited a perfect closed pike position through the somersaults (see second image).

Entry- Vertical. But not before giving a wink to the crowd.
Judges Score- 9.7

Home Stretch

In a typical horse race, this is a period of approximately 25 seconds when the thoroughbreds tear through the last turn on the way to the finish line. For a pregnancy, it’s the 3rd trimester which lasts another 13 weeks. Even with the end still in the distance, preparation for the final rose ceremony grows with intensity.

So what have we learned through the first 2/3 of the race? The art of substitution.

It starts with substituting the latest Nicholas Sparks novel with an owner’s manual to a happy and healthy pregnancy. After that, it was like watching your life go through a renovation…The bed becomes a crib, gray becomes pink, sandwiches turn into salads and Miller Lite becomes Vodka and Water (hold the vodka).

So what is going to be like when we start substituting the harder things? Like sleep and Saturday nights? It can’t be that bad when you consider what you are getting in return. LB.

Side Effects

According to Parenting magazine, there are some noticeable side effects in your second trimester of pregnancy. Before we write the magazine to add some firsthand experience, we should validate the claims of the magazine.

Breathlessness- only after a shower or blow drying the hair.
Changing shape- Only getting better!
Emotional Changes- Ummm. Errrrr. Wellllll. I pass.
Bad Dreams- Ashley dreams of Sugar plums and Fairies, nothing more, nothing less.

As for the missing items, a couple come to mind-

Distracted Driving- for reasons aforementioned (see garage door)
Poor Spelling- name on the last boarding pass- asley golia
Territorial- This one is hard to put in perspective, so I secretly hired a 7yr old illustrate the problem. This is a picture of the bed after we fall asleep. It amazes how well the child captured our emotions. Even in our sleep…

Taste

I think a wise man once said that your taste changes with age. I assume “taste” referred to the broader definition and not just the flavor of food. Now that our darling baby is approaching the last 1/3 of her life in the womb, we should probably review how both definitions of “taste” might be changing.

Starting w/ food- There is a really good chance that our baby might come out saying “HOLA MAMI!” Perhaps the cornerstone of our baby’s diet is Mexican food. Bread has been replaced by tortillas, ketchup has become salsa, and burgers are now fajitas. So let this be a warning to everyone in the future- no Margarita’s in the baby bottle…no matter how much she says “es bueno”.

As for the liking for something definition- this part is easy. If People and US magazine were dinner, Facebook would be dessert. They are now a fixed part of the schedule. Entertainment- Housewives and all Housewife spinoffs. Just know that this is Ashley’s way of showing the baby what not to expect.

And affinities for clothing have not changed- only the sizes. Size 2 has been traded in for newborn and 0-3.