Home Stretch

In a typical horse race, this is a period of approximately 25 seconds when the thoroughbreds tear through the last turn on the way to the finish line. For a pregnancy, it’s the 3rd trimester which lasts another 13 weeks. Even with the end still in the distance, preparation for the final rose ceremony grows with intensity.

So what have we learned through the first 2/3 of the race? The art of substitution.

It starts with substituting the latest Nicholas Sparks novel with an owner’s manual to a happy and healthy pregnancy. After that, it was like watching your life go through a renovation…The bed becomes a crib, gray becomes pink, sandwiches turn into salads and Miller Lite becomes Vodka and Water (hold the vodka).

So what is going to be like when we start substituting the harder things? Like sleep and Saturday nights? It can’t be that bad when you consider what you are getting in return. LB.

Side Effects

According to Parenting magazine, there are some noticeable side effects in your second trimester of pregnancy. Before we write the magazine to add some firsthand experience, we should validate the claims of the magazine.

Breathlessness- only after a shower or blow drying the hair.
Changing shape- Only getting better!
Emotional Changes- Ummm. Errrrr. Wellllll. I pass.
Bad Dreams- Ashley dreams of Sugar plums and Fairies, nothing more, nothing less.

As for the missing items, a couple come to mind-

Distracted Driving- for reasons aforementioned (see garage door)
Poor Spelling- name on the last boarding pass- asley golia
Territorial- This one is hard to put in perspective, so I secretly hired a 7yr old illustrate the problem. This is a picture of the bed after we fall asleep. It amazes how well the child captured our emotions. Even in our sleep…

Taste

I think a wise man once said that your taste changes with age. I assume “taste” referred to the broader definition and not just the flavor of food. Now that our darling baby is approaching the last 1/3 of her life in the womb, we should probably review how both definitions of “taste” might be changing.

Starting w/ food- There is a really good chance that our baby might come out saying “HOLA MAMI!” Perhaps the cornerstone of our baby’s diet is Mexican food. Bread has been replaced by tortillas, ketchup has become salsa, and burgers are now fajitas. So let this be a warning to everyone in the future- no Margarita’s in the baby bottle…no matter how much she says “es bueno”.

As for the liking for something definition- this part is easy. If People and US magazine were dinner, Facebook would be dessert. They are now a fixed part of the schedule. Entertainment- Housewives and all Housewife spinoffs. Just know that this is Ashley’s way of showing the baby what not to expect.

And affinities for clothing have not changed- only the sizes. Size 2 has been traded in for newborn and 0-3.

pro·tect

Definition according to Webster:
1. to defend or guard from attack, invasion, loss, annoyance, insult, etc.; cover or shield from injury or danger.

Definition according to Ashley:
1. Start with a generous application of SPF 290 applied to entire body.
2. Put on bathing suit that showcases every shade of orange in the Crayola 64 Box, minus apricot.
3. Sunglasses, sun or shade...we guarantee your eyes won't suffer.
4. Oversize visor. Because you can't always trust the 10' Umbrella
5. 10' Umbrella. Because you can't always trust the oversize visor.
6. Towel (Bath) draped over shoulders - Tough one to define, but studies show that extreme sun blocking technology (Ashley Protection) sometimes creates the opposite effect...Arctic Chills.
7. Ice Cold Water (bottle)- for purposes of hydration.

All to keep the baby safe.