Boarding 1st class is announced. Hmmm. Thought they put the kids on first? Now boarding priority seating. Hmmm. New game plan-I take the carry-on, iPads, car seat. Leaving Ashley and lb to board last. Figured that would be more considerate. I board, stow away the baggage and buckle in the car seat. A wave of paranoia sweeps though me- the car seat on top of the airplane seat puts lb's fiery footwork on the back of the passenger in front. Poor 13f- this guy pulled the losing ticket for the SAT to PHL flight. Ashley and lb finally board, we strap her in rather easily. She quickly begins pointing out every known object in her sight (think I-spy) looking for confirmation in her assessment. This is immediately followed by a flurry of apologies (from yours truly) to every surrounding passenger. Much to my surprise, the surrounding passengers are quite forgiving. Seems like everyone has their flying with a kid story.
Before we take off, lb starts with the kicking. I see the passenger eyeing the exit seat in front of him. He politely asks the attendant to move up. She responds that they are premium seats and not available. The disappointment in this poor guy was showing on his sleeve. I jump in and offer to pay for the seat. Actually, I started out with can I move the car seat to under the plane so she can't Pele the seat in front. She said no…the person has to complain before they can move. Time out. Really? Since when has treatment come before prevention? Even dating back to the days of junior high, the best birth control is/ was abstinence. Yet this airline is preaching adoption. I don't get it. After a few timely screams from LB, our attendant got the point and moved the gentleman. The rest of the flight was a tag team/ musical chairs. If anyone was filming us from behind, the resulting comedy would have featured an assortment of tools. From goldfish, to rice cakes, to a Nutragrain bar. We had it and we fed our little chick.
Then came the IPad and puzzles and Mickey Mouse shows. What makes this especially enjoyable for me is I have a wife that hates flying. Total anxiety and out of body experience my bride. So compound that anxiety with our little noise machine and you get rash behavior. I'll leave it at that to preserve the rest of my vacation (and marriage). By the end of the flight, I totaled 4 counts of Ashley asked how long it would be before she could enjoy a spirit of some sort. Soon honey, soon. It is these particular moments that I wish I could playback every time I come home from a 14 hour work day and need a beer. Not want, need. Honey, I can honestly say I know how you are feeling. In the meantime, why don't you grab one of lb's pacifiers? Kidding, only kidding.
One more thing about the flight-there were three occurrences of surrounding passengers offering up stories (but I interpret as suggestions) about what to do with toddlers on a flight. I even heard the granny tell the whiskey in the milk story. Except her version did not end with a sleeping child, it ended with granny ordering a couple whiskey milks for herself. “Loopy” was the word she used. “Loopy”. I thought her glasses were loopy. They were thicker than my Iphone
There is but one word that could encapsulate the start of
this trip-Fun tastic.
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